2005-02-24 - 10:28 p.m.

gossipy catholic girl time 2.0

And now, for the most popular show on Austin Public Access, it's the "Gossipy Catholic Girl Hour," featuring (as always) Emma, and with a counter-point tonight, Emma! Let's have Emma start us off-

"So we really kinda crapped up tonight, huh?"
"You mean how we promised we'd go to the Stations of the Cross with Cyrus but instead we wound up going to Schlotsky's for portabella-feta wraps?"
"Yeah, and how after that we were gonna go to 'the Rock'- you know, the acousitc-guitar-praise-and-worship-Catholics-are-hip-too thing?"
"I know! But instead of going we totally watched 'Harold and Kumar go to White Castle!"
"I know!"
"But that was a funny movie."
"Totally."
"So here's the theological question of the evening- and yeah, we'll be taking callers in a sec- what would Jesus do?"
"Here's my thought- Jesus thinks Harold and Kumar is funny too."
"Is that in the Bible?"
"No, but neither is that shit about pre-marital sex Cyrus keeps bugging us about."
"Oh, he's just jealous because he's a 23-year-old virgin."
"Yeah, that is sooooo sad. Like, what kind of Catholic are you if you haven't been though your really slutty phase yet?"
"Girl, I don't think that boy's ever gonna have a really slutty phase."
"I'll give ya that one. I mean, he's a sociopath and he totally thinks it's the 13th century."
"Oh, wait- we're gossiping again-"
"Crap! We totally gave that up for Lent!"
"I know!"
"But this isn't gossiping... this is an information exchange."
"Well in that case, how old do ya think Cyrus'll be before he gets some?"
"Like 40. And that'll be his wedding night."
"You crack me up! But for real, why isn't he like, becoming a preist?"
"He says he hasn't received 'the call' and has no desire to."
"You're kidding! I mean, he has no sex drive, no social skills, no understanding of the modern world AND a profound love of our Lord and Savior! He's like, the perfect priest!"
"I know... but I dunno. That's just him. But wait a sec- we were totally talking about how we were gonna explain not meeting him for the Stations."
"Oh crap, we were!"
"Hmmm, he's pretty gullible. Maybe if we explain the plot of the movie in detail but say it really happend to us, he'd buy it."
"Dude, he's not stupid."
"Are you sure?"
"Totally, He's just awkward, not dumb."
"So what should we do?"
"I think we gotta go find Biblical justification for what we did."
"For real?"
"Yeah, I know. It's totally gonna be a long night."

The last thing I wrote before this thing. The next thing I wrote after this.