2005-02-11 - 8:52 a.m.

the bearded lady

This morning from the balcony I saw a grackle, about a dozen sparrows and two cardinals (a male and a female). I had a bowl of oatmeal, a brownie and a cup of coffee for breakfast. The weather feels like a morning in Florida- cool but so moist it you don't really feel the cold, just the wet.

I am not so sad anymore, just tired. I went to the Catholic Student Center with Cyrus last night- did I already mention that? Well, I enjoyed it. I am so much more pious than I let on. I love God so much.

Anyway, I gave up gossip for Lent. Is it gossiping if I, in my diary, analyze Cyrus? Too late- already doing it. Last night I met some really nice people but Cyrus told me not to talk to some of them. He said they were really jerks and only talking to me because he was around. I was sort of offended, because I could tell from their behavior that they found him a bit annoying. I wonder about his perception of the world. I realize he has a lot more hate and anger inside for people than I had thought. He really resents some of the sweet Catholic sorotity girls, and while they are not "my type," they are not creatures of pure evil like he seems to think and I am certainly willing to give them the time of day.

Speaking of "my type" and who I, by self deffinition am, last night I dreamed I was walking around capus, but it looked like a cross between campus and the riverwalk in San Antonio. I kept running into people who were "like me." Perhaps it should be noted that I was as "gothed out" as it gets. I was wearing black lipstick and black everything. I was gorgeous. I kept seeing girls who would be like "I love your look" and I would respond that I loved theirs. The one that stands out most is the girl who wasn't wearing a shirt but instead had her torso covered by her long hair and full, fluffy beard. She had died both in fabulous, bizzare streaks of manic-panic red and white. She pointed out that all women would have beards if they just let themselves, and she wasn't afraid to flaunt it. So I got in the back of someone's mini-van with her and went to a Walgreens where there was a sale on white pancake makeup and purple sparkly press-on nails and black lipstick. We bought bushels full and it was fun. When I awoke, the knowledge that "we are all the bearded lady" was running through my head.

The last thing I wrote before this thing. The next thing I wrote after this.