2005-02-08 - 12:06 p.m.

platonic male friends

I got a bad disease, from my brain is where it bleeds.

And no, I'm not acknowledging what song/band that comes from. I'm too cool for that. But I am glad (despite all my desire to not talk to anyone) that Casey messaged me back. It was a really nice message, and I would copy and paste it here but I came to this conclusion that this diary is the outlet for my pain/neurosies and I have no business displaying other peoples. Lets just say it was beautiful and I know how he feels about wanting to tear everything down and start again. I really apprecite the friends who are willing to put up with my shit. But I'm sorry if I talk about it too much- appreciting my friends and all. Last night I was online while Jason was sitting on the floor we were talking and I remarked "oh, looks like I got a couple of messages from Casey." Jason sighed and asked if I was really, really sure that Casey doesn't have a desire for a more than platonic relationship with me. I know he doesn't, and I would never, ever pursue such a thing, first out of love for Jason, second out of respect for Denae, and third because I straight up don't think of him like that. He's not a GUY, he's a friend, if you know what I mean, and he's said he thinks the same of me. But anytime a boy and girl are friends people begin to talk. Maybe it's because on TV platonic relationships always must develop to something more for the sake of ratings. Like that dumb last season of the X-files. I think, in retrospect, I could have been just fine with Mulder and Scully never hooking up. But no, people expect these things. Like how Father Bill keeps asking Cyrus if we're dating. I would never in a million years date Cyrus. The idea grosses me out, and Cyrus is like "what, that pink haired rock-music listening freak!? Never!" (bear in mind that Cyrus is still living in the middle ages. He wears a tapesty caftan on campus, doesn't listen to music written after 1700, and treats the Ren Fair like it's the real world and this whole "college" thing is just unfortunate exile). But Father Bill, with his elderly Priest's inability to understand boy-girl relationships assumes that he's not just the guy I go to Mass with but something more. Yuck. Well, I suppose that if my guy friends and I all know there is nothing more to our relationships that's all that matters, and if I want people to stop gossiping about me I should stop gossiping myself. Hmm, that'd be somthing interesting yet difficult to give up for Lent- gossiping. I'll think about that.

The last thing I wrote before this thing. The next thing I wrote after this.