2005-06-11 - 8:47 p.m.

There's a turd burgler behind you!

No, I haven't posted in a week, thanks for asking. I've been so busy that I can't even come up with a clever metaphor for how busy I am. I'm so busy that my Gold membership expires in 24 hours and I can't remember for the life of me where I left my credit card. I'll get around to paying it... probably.

As for right now, R.'s in the bathroom shaving his head. It's really quite alarming, since one of his more endearing features has always been his shaggy mop of blonde hair. Then again, it is June in Texas and the heat index is never less than 105, so yeah... if I could rid myself of several inches of sweat soaked hair, I probably would too.

I know, I know, this is a rather brief entry, but I'm afraid I must go- my dear friend Calysta is pretending to turn 21 tonight. Her birthday is really Tuesday, and she's really just turning 20, but who am I to argue? Imaginary events are probably the best reasons for keggers, anyway. That said, I simply must go make myself fabulous enough to compete with the "birthday girl." Ta-ta, dahlings!

2005-06-05 - 11:40 p.m.

What a lovely wedding- wanna hear about penises?

Lip ring update:
It does slightly impede making out. This is bad. I'm hoping the situation improves as my lip heals. Other than that though, I'm having a fairly jolly time. Last night I crashed a wedding. The groom was Poppy's brother and there was an open bar, so of course I was eager to go. People kept giving me odd looks though. It was as if they had never seen a green haired chick with a lip-ring before. I ignored the stares and amused myself by making goo-goo eyes at a shag-haired caterer. He didn't respond, so I assume that like most caterers he was batting for the other team. Ah well. At least it was me, Kristin, Poppy and an infinite supply of free frozen margaritas and Bud Light. I pocketed 5 boxes of favors but was disappointed to discover that they contained nothing but white-chocolate covered pretzels. I was further disappointed when I got home and R. ate them all, and even further disapppointed when he got horribly sick to his stomach from them.

Not that I'm in any position to complain about R. though. After the absurd wedding reception, with it's fancy clothes and stares from adults, we progressed to Poppy's house for some true shenanigans. Unfortunately Poppy felt compelled to show the videotaped footage of a previous party. In the video I drunkenly turned to the camera and began discussing in detail why R. is fun in bed.

And at that moment I was struck by lightning and killed on the spot.

Oh, wait-
that didn't happen. I kept wishing it would, but instead the footage of me embarassing myself just continued to roll. I began itemizing the penis size of every boy I'd ever been with. Next to me a little digitized Kristin began discussing the joys of cunnilingus. Drunk TV us giggled at our own sexual frankness as current us watched on in horror.

Did we really say that?
How drunk was I that night?
Holy shit...

And of course, R. was sitting right there. He saw everything. Heard everything. And yet...
He didn't care. He laughed and drove me home becuase after 7 straight hours of free booze I was in no shape to be behind the wheel. I looked over at him in the driver's seat of my ancient Mazda and I thought... "damn, he's a catch. I can't believe he puts up with all my shit..."
I further thought, "it's about time I met a boy who can drive a stick-shift..."

So you wanna hear my Relationship Theory #297? It's this: R. and I are not quite like friends or lovers or anything normal or catagorizable. I think our relationship would better be described thusly:
I am a shark.
He is one of those fish that live in a mutual symbiotic relationship with sharks.
But I am more fond of my fish than most sharks are.
Or maybe he's the shark.
No, I wanna be the shark.

And if that didn't make sense, you can suck a Cousteau nut.

But at least I've learned some valubale lessons:
1. Weddings are fun- so long as you don't know most of the people there
2. Alcohol makes you say dumb stuff
3. SO DON'T FILM YOURSELF WHILE DRINKING!!! Geez, you'd think that one would go without saying.

Oh, and speaking of valuable lessons, I guess I should go to sleep, on account of summer semester starting tomorrow and all. I have a class which, at 10 a.m. precedes my normal waking time by about 3 hours. I suppose I'll have to return to a normal circadian rhythym sleep cycle. Damn.

2005-06-03 - 2:12 a.m.

My wip is swowen.

In an act that was either a supreme lapse in judgement or the coolest thing I've ever done, I got my lip pierced tonight. Now I can blend in at punk shows, on campus, and... okay- not many other places. But it does give me an air of badassitude which looks rather dashing with my admittedly cute features.

The only downside? It may impede making out.
This is more than unfortunate.

2005-06-02 - 12:49 a.m.

Crapmuffins!

Well, I already told you about how I need to have some art together for an opening on June 17th. But now there's a slight problem. My show at Jo on the Go (my favorite local coffee place) has been bumped up from August to July. I have 5 finished pieces now, but that's just enough for one venue- not two simultaneously. The first show will run mid June through mid July, and the second will be the whole month of July. This is a tricky proposition. But that's not all. I need to have my two best works submited to an art contest in Austin no later than July 17th. So two things will have to disappear from one of those locales becuase I really want to earn the 300 dollar grand prize. Also, in this contest I will be up against R, who three years ago won Honorable Mention, two years ago won second and last year won first. This year he's aiming for Best in Show.

The gauntlet has been thrown down.

So how will I make my art be in three places at once? Well, I'm taking a page from R. He manages multiple simultaneous shows by making full sized poster prints of his work, thus allowing the same piece to be in several places at once. I think that for both shows I'm going to hang a blend of prints and originals. The plus is that this town will be utterly saturated in my work. No one will not know my name! By the time I blow off this shitty little town in a year, I will be a local celebrity, goddamnit!

With that little rant out of the way, I fear I must go finish painting the background for my latest collage undertaking. It's Hades- Lord of the Underworld. Oh, did I mention what the works I'm showing are? They're a series of collages using modern magazine clippings to represent ancient Greek gods. The finished pieces I have are Artemis, Persephone, Aphrodite, Dionysius, and the one diversion from theme: John the Baptist. If there was a scanner big enough I would scan these and show you, but alas- I tend to work on a rather large scale.

On a related subject, I worry that I am becoming more an artist and less an art historian. Ah, well, that's a babble for another day. For now, I really must go. As for you- keep on rockin' in the free world and picking your nose in traffic.

2005-06-02 - 12:10 a.m.

Ambiguity and you.

There are two weddings in the next week that I have been semi-invited to but do not intend to attend. Also, I won't be going to work for a few days becuase the boss thinks pink-eye is gross. School doesn't start till Monday. In the meantime I shall laze about, plotting, scheming and putting on more weight than I should. Mmmm, speaking of which this is really good pie. The unfortunate thing is that I can't remember what impossibly clever story I was going to relate right now. R. spends a good deal of time on the computer and I usually don't mind, but sometimes I think of something brilliant to write and then forget it by the time he removes his butt from my avacado-green desk chair.

Aw, Crap. Now you have me thinking about R. I'm not supposed to talk about him in bloggy-format, you know. Leaving him out of my entries is in the best intrest of him (he felt I divulged too much information in a previous [now deleted] entry) but also in the best intrests of certain other male parties whom I know read my blog.

But it's kind of hard not to talk about someone who lives with me, chills with me and is generally around 24/7. How funny it is that in less than a month we've gone from being aproximate strangers to bestest-bestest-most-inseperable friends. I shudder to give anyone such a title (and with two bestests, no lesstest!) but let's face it- he's around all the time and I don't feel like kicking him in the shins, so he deserves some credit. One of the more admirable traits of R. is how low impact he is. When Jason and I broke up I was certain I needed an infinite span of "me-time" and as such I was wary of a boy who would be over every single night. Fortunately, R. is clean, quiet and undemanding. He's far less needy than my sister had implied to me after she broke-off her un-relationship with him, and if I may bring my sister into the matter even further she asserts that R. and I are perfect for one another. Of course, my response to her is that he and I are not dating and her response is that she was not dating him either. Ah, how ambiguous this all is!

Not that I'm any stranger to ambiguity.

In fact, it's one of my best friends- you know, just like R.

2005-05-30 - 5:50 p.m.

Supa market

I was dumb enough to go to the grocery store on Memorial Day. Middle aged women with carts full of tortilla chips and charcoal briquetes were pushing each other in the beer aisle. The post-apocalyptic feel of the place would have gotten me down had I not glimpsed a young couple in the feminine hygiene aisle. She was holdning a bottle of Vagisil and talking while he nodded like it was the most interesting thing ever. This made me laugh like crazy. It was even funnier when R. remarked "shit- I think I know those two."

2005-05-29 - 1:14 p.m.

Don't touch me- it's for your own good.

Hey, guess what disgusting and highly contagious infection I've contracted now! Nope- it's not in my pants- it's somewhere way cooler: MY EYE! That's right, I have a nasty case of pink eye (or as doctors call it, conjunctivitis)! I went out last night and the whole time people were tilting their heads and looking at me funny. I am Quasimodita- the feminie diminuative form of Quasimodo. The ironic thing is that my face has been rendered temporarily repulsive by my vanity. The pink eye manifested itself the day after I wore mascara- mascara that I don't usually wear. I'm pretty sure that some sort of bacteria had grown in the ancient cosmetic product, causing my eye to become all yucky and inflamed. So yeah- I tried to make my head all pretty and what did it get me? A festering pussy tear-duct, that's what. Now you enjoy that image while I go eat some cake.

The last thing I wrote before this thing. The next thing I wrote after this.