2005-01-21 - 7:58 a.m.

your stupid relationship problems

'bout freakin time.

This site was down for quite some time in the last two days and I coundn't access my diary. I don't have anything pertinant to say, but knowing I couldn't say it made me feel small and alone. Not that I should be lonely! Ever since I began to bemoan my brokeness friends have been swiping me in the dining halls. Thank God for meal swipes!

Of course, in return for a free lunch I usually have to administer my finest free service- my Dr. Phil-asshole-amatuer-psychological help. I don't know why others put up with it- I guess we all need a shoulder to cry on, even if said shoulder is alternately blunt and flippant. On Wednesday I counseled Calysta over pizza. Every boy on earth seems to love her, but she's not a girl to be tied down. In the meantime I promised to meet Eugene on Friday and Cyrus on monday and Calysta again next Wednesday. Then on Thursday I enjoyed brisk conversation interspersed with nagging and whining (not directed at me- at each other) with Casey and Denae. Man, I love both of them, but they do have the most fucked-up nonrelationship-relationship EVER. The cake was good though, and I got some superior beauty advice. Denae told me to put a drop of mydrogen peroxide on my annoying inner-nose pimple. I did, and it worked great. She said it would go away completely in a couple of hours, and it wasn't THAT effective, but still way more effective than anything else I've ever heard of/tried, and certainly better than my plan A, which was just messing with it for a few weeks until it became infected or something. Counseling Casey and Denae is extra hard, though, because (A) I like both of them so I can't just be like "dump the bastard" or whatever other typically destructive advice I would give (B) they don't comunicate. They don't talk TO each other, they talk in each other's directions (C) they've been doing this so long they've sorta quit caring how fucked up it is. It's like when the status quo is cruelty and torture, the people suffering seldom recognize how bad it is. The one hope is that their relationship could respond the way that poorer classes in societies the world over respond. They don't recognize the suffering, tyrany, etc, until it loosens, just a bit. A tiny resumption of rights can result in a revolution. A miniscule improvement reveals how everything could get better and the people are suddenly ready and eager for change. This couple needs a straight-up-old-school-Bolshevic-Che-Guevara-lighting-fires-in-the-town-square-berlin-wall-falling-revolution. They can stay together, they can fall apart, but the one thing I know is that EVERYTHING is gonna have to change if either is gonna be happy. As it is, they are both in an abusive relationship. Abuse is not just fists. He hits her with words and she hits back. Or sometimes she hits first- but one way or another neither one sees how hard he/she is hitting. Denae doesn't think she's hitting at all, which is the saddest thing. I think she, having been raised by a mother who seems to nag a bit (calling non stop, worring about everything) Denae thinks that's a normal way to show love, but when she was talking about Casey and the imprtantce of his skin care regimen, I swear he was about to explode. She thinks she's doing something loving, and he looks like "good god, woman, let me wash my own face." He resists and she gets frustrated and when she gets frustrated he gets angry and when he gets angry she gets upset or fed up or something and the whole thing snowballs and then they both feel full of hate, but not even at each other, really. I think they both see a lot of love in the other in theory- it's just when the other says something that snowballs that the hate comes out.

*sigh*

Well, today is Friday, and I have lunch with Eugene scheduled. He's normally lower mantinece. Hell, his facebook page says he's in a relationship, but I've never heard anything about it. This'll be a break then, until Monday where I help convince Cyrus that it's not his fault that Rachael left him, but her own neurosies caused by her dead father and gay mother. And no, I'm not making that up.

The last thing I wrote before this thing. The next thing I wrote after this.