2005-01-17 - 10:11 a.m.

Jesus dream

Last night I dreamt I was a secretary or something for this evil lady who had lots of plasic surgery. She had me go out and find a randomly attractive young man on the streets and ask him if he wanted a job. He was very poor, so of course he did. I took him to her and she did a bit of plasic surgery on him so he looked more like Jesus and told him to strat growing his hair and beard. He said he was kinda scared. I had previously thought she just wanted a guy who looked like Jesus for a publicity stunt (she was vaugly famous in a way I can't put my finger on) but as time went by it seemed like she really thought he was Jesus. She strapped him down to one of those (conviniently cross shaped) leathal execution pallets and just left him there in this big, sunlit room with white curtains fluttering in the breeze. She brought in her surgeons again and piercers too, and the whole thing proceded like they were streching earlobes. They put little holes in his hands and feet and put bigger and bigger earspools in. The surgeouns carefully opened up his side and stitched it so it would never heal. All of this struck me as impossibly wrong, so when they were gone I snuck in and unstrapped him. I told him we had to get him out of there. We left the building but we couldn't go fast because he could only hobble with the spools in his feet. Then someone saw us and I was like "Crap, they're gonna kill both of us!" but when the people got to us, I turned around and saw not Jesus, but one of those little plasic deer people put on their lawns. The people asked what I was doing and I told them I was tending to my misteress's lawn ornaments. They said that was okay but warned me that there was a potentially dangerous fugative on the loose and I should be on the lookout for Jesus. I told them I would be, picked up the little plastic deer, and fled into the night. I ran and ran with him in my arms, as far as I could go. At dawn I colapsed in the parking lot of a strip mall. It dawned on me I could get farther faster if I stole a car, So I did. When we were in middle-of-nowhere north Texas, Jesus turned back into a person and told me to let him off there. I asked him why. He told me no one would think to look for the Messiah there- like how in old times everyone expected a prophet from Jeruselem not Nazareth- well, if New York is our high holy in the US, then North Texas would be its antithesis. It made sense, so I let him off. I asked him if he was for real the second coming. He bit his lip, scratched his head and laughed in a very cute, human way- just like any shy young man faced with such an immense compliment, "I am what I am, ya know? But thanks for saving me." I told him no prob, and the dream was over.

Remember, it's not blasphemy if it's the product of your subconcious.

The last thing I wrote before this thing. The next thing I wrote after this.