2004-12-20 - 9:16 p.m.

Crazy

As I logged into my journal tonight, the banner at the top of the screen flashed "feeling depressed? Click here to learn more about the difference between bipolar diorder and clinical depression."

*sigh* I'm afraid I know what these illnesses look like all too well. And meanwhile, "I'm not okay," by My Chemical Romance comes on the radio. Yet another band glamorizing all that can go wrong within the human psyche. They're so faux-dark, and yet i find this song simultaneously enjoyable and offensive. Enjoyable because I have iffy music taste to begin with. Offensive because mental illness is NOT gourgeous, glamourous, lovely and stunning, no matter what people try to think. Depression is a DEADLY DISEASE. People I know, people I love, have died from it. Others (you know who you are) have come alarmingly close. I have been in hospital waiting rooms at 2 a.m., praying. When all is said and done, I cannot change or erase the rises and falls of my own life, but I can stand against the musical illusion that crazy=fun. Crazy is not fun. It's like heroin- you can make it chic all you want, but when you're puking in a bathroom and you're not sure who's bathroom it is... well, you get the picture.

The last thing I wrote before this thing. The next thing I wrote after this.

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